SCP-9019 instances, if found, are to be contained at Provisional Site-9019 for further testing.
SCP-9019 instances propagate throughout humanity via species interchange — nonanomalous humans are, through a poorly understood process, converted into SCP-9019 instances. It has been noted that the inflammatory vocalizations and statements of SCP-9019 are known to be linked to this species interchange process; prolonged exposure to such are proportional to the likelihood of being converted into SCP-9019 instances. It is also of note that the minority of individuals who find such statements "funny" are virtually always converted; with 100% of the cohort doing so. Exactly none of the general populace who are not part of the previously mentioned cohort have been observed to undergo the species interchange process.
The following is a compiled list of SCP-9019 instances' vocalizations.
The gcd (greatest common denominator) of black people and white people is less than people.
The joke was said aloud by SCP-9019-2344. No laughter was caused despite the presence of other SCP-9019 instances. It is also of note that SCP-9019-2344 possesses a slightly-above average mental aptitude test, compared to that of SCP-9019 instances (an average score on the SCP-9019 mental aptitude test corresponds to a significantly below average score on the standard human mental aptitude test).
My dating criteria:
- Must be a girl.
- Must not be LGBTQ+.
- Must especially not be trans.
The list was said aloud and in staccato. SCP-9019 instances within a 1-meter radius of the person listing collectively agreed with the first item, laughed and the second and laughed excessively at the third.
67 goon
The correspondence was sent via digital message. No coherent lexemes were found barring the double-digit numeral present; however, five SCP-9019 instances recollect laughing "extremely hard". One Foundation researcher with a below-average Cognitive Resistance Value entered cardiac arrest upon perceiving the joke but was resuscitated promptly. Changes to the containment procedures pending.
[INVECTIVE REDACTED; TARGETED TOWARDS AFRICAN-AMERICAN POPULACE]. I will offend you!
The invective was said with nonanomalous and nontargetable humans in the vicinity. The collective reacted strongly to the message, to which the SCP-9019 instance responded with the latter sentence.
Autopsy and imaging of SCP-9019 have revealed the following differences between Homo offendii and that of Homo sapiens.
Significant atrophy of the areas in the brain related to empathy, namely the anterior cingulate complex, the insula and the temporoparietal junction was found. The three regions were partially replaced with a simple biological switch, i.e. the hormones associated with joyous emotions were released upon the negative activation of the original three regions; thus causing a positive feedback loop, wherein the activation of the ACC, the insula and the TPJ releases negative hormones get overridden with the release of overly positive hormones by the biological switch. This change appears to negate original human empathy, instead, releasing such hormones only when other instances or humans are in pain and distress.
The limbic system of the brain was heavily affected, entailing the absence of any dysphoric emotions, especially shame and the extreme presence of euphoric emotions, such as those produced by the feedback loop documented above.
The digestive system of Homo offendii has also been changed. For example, stomach acid was 15% weaker on the pH scale and the lining of both the intestines and the colon was weakened. It is hypothesized that such adaptations allow for coprophagy (as fecal matter needed significantly less energy to digest, causing stomach acid to become less acidic and the weakening of the intestines and colon were to release fecal matter to the surrounding areas periodically). It is of note that three hundred grams of fecal matter was found in the areas in proximity to the colon and intestines; how SCP-9019 allows such perforation without infection is unknown.
SCP-9019-13445 is a living member of Homo offendii, able to recollect memories in extreme detail (due to SCP-9019-13445's possession of photographic memory) from when it was a nonanomalous human. The following are transcriptions of a series of interviews conducted by Dr. Landon with SCP-9019-13445. It is of note, in the interviews, that SCP-9019-13445 is biologically male.
<begin transcript>
Dr. Landon: Good morning, state your name and designation please.
SCP-9019-13445: SCP-9019-13445. Call me by my actual name, Max, Doctor.
Dr. Landon: Max, tell me about your closest friend.
SCP-9019-13445: That gay idiot?
Dr. Landon: ...Sure.
SCP-9019-13445: He, or she, was always a funny guy. I admired him for his unwavering carelessness? He just never cared about whatever anyone said about him. And I think that's really cool. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, so now I'm just like him. People say I'm an exact copy without any personality but that can't be right. All my friends, well, two of them, him and another, laugh at my jokes often too much. I really like him. Well, not that way, but I'm sure he does like me that wa–
Dr. Landon [under his breath]: The pot will call the kettle black.
SCP-9019-13445: What?
Dr. Landon: Nothing. Did you remember exactly when you "converted"?
SCP-9019-13445: No. I think it was a gradual thing. I felt my mind twisting from that shame and sadness machine now to this absolutely manic and positive person I am now.
Dr. Landon: Further.
SCP-9019-13445: It started when I first heard his jokes. Something clicked inside of me, like this was the form I was meant to be all along. I laughed... too much, maniacally even. Then all my negativity cleared. Replaced with who I am, or rather, who he is.
Dr. Landon: Do you have any history with being homophobic, transphobic or racist?
SCP-9019-13445: It has always been like that. I've fucking hated those [INVECTIVE REDACTED; TARGETED AT HOMOSEXUAL MEN] since I was born, probably. And the [INVECTIVE REDACTED; TARGETED AT AFRICAN-AMERICAN POPULACE], god, terrible. I loathe them and seethe at every time I may see them. God bless them if I did what I want to do to them.
Dr. Landon: Hmm... "Homophobia can sometimes be caused by the denial of the self, i.e. you are homosexual yourself but your homophobia can actually amplify itself. It seems that you haven't accepted yourself yet." How do you feel about this statement?
SCP-9019-13445 [angrily]: That's definitely fucking wrong. What fucker wrote that? I will punch him and kill him and make him beg for mercy. Saying straight males are gay is fucking offensive and I stand by that.
Dr. Landon: How is homosexuality offensive?
SCP-9019-13445 [angrily]: They are less than human. I am human. I do not want to be compared with them.
Dr. Landon: Thank you for your time.
SCP-9019-13445: See ya later, gay doc.
<end transcript>
<begin transcript>
Dr. Landon: Good morning.
SCP-9019-13445: Again? Did you miss me?
Dr. Landon: I'm sure none of the doctors here do.
SCP-9019-13445: Liar, liar, ass on fire. Your ass is on fire, doctor.
It is not.
Dr. Landon: It is not. Please, explain this.
Dr. Landon hands SCP-9019-13445 one sheet of paper, with the characters "67 goon" printed on it.
SCP-9019-13445 laughs incessantly on the recording for the next three minutes. Dr. Landon does not speak during this period. The sheet of paper falls off the table.
SCP-9019-13445 [with tears on his face]: I–
Dr. Landon: That's gay.
SCP-9019-13445's smile immediately clears from his face.
SCP-9019-13445: Wh—what? No, no, obviously I am not. I am not gay, obviously. No, no, no.
Dr. Landon picks the sheet of paper up from the ground and hands it to SCP-9019-13445.
He continually laughs for the next four minutes.
The piece of paper gradually moves towards Dr. Landon's position. Dr. Landon is now transfixed at it.
Both specimens laugh for the next thirty minutes.
SCP-9019-13446: Good riddance.
<end transcript>
Following the recording, SCP-9019-13446, formerly Dr. Landon was immediately sent for genetic testing. He was considered an instance of SCP-9019; after this diagnosis, he was demoted and relocated to Provisional Site-9019.
The below transcript is of the two aforementioned instances communicating within Provisional Site-9019, recovered from SCP-9019-13446's bodycam footage.
<begin transcript>
SCP-9019-13445: Gay is bad. Straight is good.
SCP-9019-13445 laughs at its own vocalization for the next minute. SCP-9019-13446 and other instances, in reaction to the commotion, move towards the instance.
SCP-9019-13445 [louder]: Gay is bad. Straight is good.
All one-hundred and thirty-six instances within hearing range of SCP-9019-13445 laugh.
SCP-9019-13446: Gay is bad.
They continue to laugh.
SCP-9019-13357: Sixty-seven goon.
All personnel within wing A, including previously nonanomalous Foundation personnel of Provisional Site-9019 laugh. They are henceforth considered SCP-9019 instances. The collective eventually stabilizes at the exact resonance frequency of steel, the site's main material.
All personnel within the site is an SCP-9019 instance.
The site breaks. No instance is injured. Crosstalk can be heard.
The instances spread within a ten-kilometer radius from the building in a random manner, by means of a wandering-like gait.
SCP-9019-13446: I know a place.
The ten-kilometer circle collapses into a one-kilometer one. No instances are severely injured.
SCP-9019-13446: Site-19. Whoever dies first is stupid, and whoever is stupid dies first, remember.
[unknown instance]: That's the same thing!
The mass laughs collectively for the next hour and fourty-seven minutes. The measured loudness is 147 decibels. There are no humans within proximity of the site; thus, no fatalities were caused, both to humans and the SCP-9019 instances.
SCP-9019-13446: Follow me.
The subsequent 67 hours and 36 minutes of footage is on foot travel towards Site-19. The mass collectively laughs for the entirety of the footage, measuring at a maximum of 96 decibels.
Site-19 is visible.
The mass barges inwards through the front door. Guards are incapacitated immediately following the event.
Upon entering wing H of Site-19, all instances cease to exist completely. No trace of any remains were found.
The following footage is of SCP-9019 instances that were previously uncontained ingressing into Site-19 and demanifesting promptly in the same manner, randomly spread over a span of twenty-five hours.
<end transcript>
SCP-9019 reclassification to Neutralized is pending, as no further instances were found.